I can't believe it's only a few months shy of my last blog. God, time really does fly. A lot has happened over the years that I would love to update you guys on (if I ever decide to update regularly, that is). But for right now, I'm going to continue telling events from my past.
Breaking all chronology, I'm going to skip a few years after Erick. This one happened just a few days short of my creating this blog. In fact, this is THE reason I created this blog. I was 20 at the time and the guy, in question, was 25.
Blond-haired, blue eyed specimen of perfection: His name was TT. It was a nickname that his family came up with when he was a baby (short for "Two-Two", apparently... I don't even know). His family lived on the other side of the street so our backyards were connected. Believe me, despite how good-looking he may be, living on the other side of the fence from them was no picnic. They're the epitome of a dysfunctional family. Every and any holiday would usually end in a fight between two or more family members. That's what happens when you live with a bunch of alcoholics.
Occasionally, it paid off. TT was a football player in high school with an amazing body that he loved to show off. He house sat a lot. And it seemed that any time he knew I was in my backyard, he would decide to cut his grass. After sweating long enough, he'd usually take off his shirt. We shared many unspoken glances over those times. It was weird being sexually attracted to him. Years ago, I was just a little kid who would follow him and his friends to the riverbank and now, he was someone completely different to me. It happened before I even knew it.
I was taking a walk around the corner one day and he was outside, sitting beside his open garage door and messing with his brother's guitar. I fully intended on walking past him and going straight home but he asked me if I knew how to play the guitar. I told him I had no idea so he called me over and taught me how to hold it. That was all I managed to learned as I completely sucked at even trying.
He went inside his garage, which was where his brother's band practiced, and began playing the keyboard. He was okay on the guitar but on the keyboard he was amazing. I was completely stunned in that moment. I stood outside the garage, frozen. I don't know what he was playing but it was captivating. He looked at me and smiled. I told him how amazing it was and he told me he could teach me.
I sat in the chair, trembling. He stood behind me, his arms just over my shoulder as my fingers followed his over the keys. Eventually, his hands slid over mines. Gentle but rough. I held my breath in that moment. Too nervous to turn to him, I thought I had only imagined his breath getting heavier on my neck but then I felt his lips. I got chills. My mind ran a million miles per second.
He closed the garage door and then turned back at me. Frozen to my chair, I looked down at the keyboard. I didn't know what I wanted in that moment but it was almost like something inside of my was ready to run for the hills. He arms surrounded me as his body towered me. He leaned over and whispered--more into my shoulder than ear--"you okay?". I nodded, unable to make a semblance of a sound.
His hands began massaging my shoulders. "Just relax," he whispered. It was easier said that done. I threw my head back and tried not to think about what was happening. His hands started traveling from my shoulders to my chest. I turned to look at TT. I started to realize that I never wanted anyone in the way that I wanted him at that moment.
I stood from the chair and looked him in the eye. We stood there smiling at each other, our eyes completely locked. His hand was holding mine. I dared myself to kiss him in that moment but I couldn't. Every desire and doubt in that moment was magnified. I was flooded with emotion that I couldn't understand. I trembled. Like being scared to death.
"I need to go."
I ran out. He called out to me a few times but I didn't even turn back. I couldn't.
That night, I visited a younger friend of mine, 16, and asked him if he wanted to suck my dick for some weed. He gladly obliged. I found myself asking why it couldn't always be like that? Getting a blowjob, giving a blowjob, no strings attached. I don't do strings.
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